Neighbor constantly asks working mom to babysit her daughter, ignores her when she says she's overwhelmed: 'I don't have childcare'

There is a difference between benefitting from the village and exploiting it. 

Most parents would agree that raising kids is a task that is best not done alone. Even if they want to be independent in their parenting, there will likely be times when they have to seek out alternative childcare. The reality is that the majority of moms and dads have lifestyles where they cannot be the person caring for their kids 100% of the time.

It is also no crime for parents to feel like they need a break from their children, even if they can make time to care for them on a practical level. In times like these, having a friend or family member who is willing to take on babysitting duties can be invaluable. They are a tool that allows a parent to maintain other parts of their life outside of their kids.

That being said, there is a fine line between enjoying free childcare from time to time and blatantly wanting to make the kids somebody else's responsibility whenever it is most convenient for you. Even the most generous villagers will have their limits when it comes to looking after somebody else's children for them. 

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  • A mom sitting on a couch works from home on her laptop, her son and daughter sat either side of her trying to get her attention
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A mom sitting on a couch works from home on her laptop, her son and daughter sat either side of her trying to get her attention

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • In this story, a realtor and mom of two had developed an arrangement with her neighbor where her daughter would come over to her house to play on a regular basis. While initially, this arrangement worked well, the mom was feeling increasing pressure from her work, and having another kid to consider was becoming too much of a stressor.

    As she didn't have childcare herself and her husband worked in the afternoons, she was often forced to take her own children to work with her. She had rejected her neighbor's request to look after her daughter a couple of times because of this, but she was feeling guilty about it.

  • Am I wrong for not always letting my neighbor drop her kid off to play?

    My neighbor has a daughter around the same age of oldest. Her daughter and my daughter play pretty good together.
    via Patient-Yam9611
  • Over the past few months, the neighbor has started texting me if she can bring the daughter over to my house because she is super busy with stuff.
    via Patient-Yam9611
  • Most of the time I have said yes. But as we get into spring, my real estate business is busy. My husband works a 2-11pm shift, so any real estate work I have after 2, my 2 children have to come with to do, as I really dont have childcare. My children also go to bed right at 8 every night, which this neighbor knows and always will say "I know the kids go to bed early, so she wont be there late"
    via Patient-Yam9611
  • The last two times she came a little before 8 to get her, but then talked till 9pm. So last week she reached out and said could her child come over and play? I said my day is kind of crazy, I have to bring the kids with me To show 3 houses. No text asking if she could help. Around 6:45 I got done, and she texted basically still trying to bring her child over, and I said Im sorry Im
    via Patient-Yam9611
  • Exhausted, and still have to cook dinner and do baths. Now before 9am today, she texted asking if her kid can come over and play, she has stuff to do.
    via Patient-Yam9611
  • I have 2 clients today (one an hour away that I have to take the kids with me to) and Im hosting 20 people for Easter Brunch tomorrow. How can someone think there time is more valuable then another's?
    via Patient-Yam9611
  • A mom working on a laptop while sitting on a couch shrugs as her daughter hands her a clipboard, her son clinging to her other shoulder
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A mom working on a laptop while sitting on a couch shrugs as her daughter hands her a clipboard, her son clinging to her other shoulder

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • BurgerThyme NTA for denying your neighbor free childcare but if you're a real estate agent then be aware that bringing your kids to house showings is a terrible look.
    via BurgerThyme
  • Patient-Yam9611 Original Poster's Reply I am a well established Realtor in my area. My children do not come if it is a brand new client or If am showing multi million dollar homes.
    via Patient-Yam9611
  • _julibeans I mean my dad did that with us growing up and he was pretty successful. If you have a good reputation already it doesn't matter.
    via _julibeans
  • sinsaraly Unfortunately in this situation people would judge a woman much differently than a man.
    via sinsaraly
  • Patient-Yam9611 Original Poster's Reply Sadly you are very right.
    via Patient-Yam9611
  • Hello_peopl NTAH, she just wants free childcare and is very disorganised. Don't give in, it is your life, your time, your house and your money. Just a question, has your daughter ever went over to her house? If not then that also confirms her intentions
    via Hello_peopl
  • SupaTheBaked F no NTA your neighbor sure is though
    via SupaTheBaked
  • El_Culero_Magnifico You are her free childcare. And you will be until you set her straight. "Hi Kathy, we love little Julie, but between my job and all my social obligations, providing babysitting service is burdensome for me. Going forward, you will need to find another solution"
    via El_Culero_Magnifico
  • MaryK007 Stop this now, OP. And return the energy. Can you drop off your kids? Is she reciprocating at all on childcare?
    via MaryK007
  • lizziebee66 >How can someone think there time is more valuable then another's? Because she doesn't value your time. You are a tool to give her time to do what she wants. If you want to be petty, you can switch this round and start texting her saying you need to drop your kids off to her but to be honest, I wouldn't want to do that as she seems self centric and flakey. Instead, I'd practice this technique which was an eye opener for me and a game changer: 'No, that doesn't work for me'. That's it
    via lizziebee66
  • Seasons71 Four "Actually I was going to ask if I could send my kid to your house today."
    via Seasons71Four
  • yrnkween It's just part of the staging. "As you can see, this house is ideal for a family with lots of room for children."
    via yrnkween

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